Any great jokes?

[Sacredplayr]

If any body has any great jokes post them here! here's one to get it started.

Q: what did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
A: Dam! ( concrete dam )

Ha ha ha..... ummm.......... any "good" jokes?

[cHilli]

omg.. thats not a joke.. I feel sick just reading it..

[inter]

lol. The joke wasnt funny but chilli is.

[Laguna Loire]

Meh...Fixed jokes like 'Knock Knock' and all them other jokes written in books are never funny in my opinion...I only find really stupid things funny. Like an animated video of a really obese guy falling down the stairs or something...

[Invader_gir]

Meh...Fixed jokes like 'Knock Knock' and all them other jokes written in books are never funny in my opinion...I only find really stupid things funny. Like an animated video of a really obese guy falling down the stairs or something...
rofl XD

you would like sam (person at college) he falls over anything, me and michael think its because he cant see his feet over him stomach

[inter]

The movie Dumb and Dummer

[Invader_gir]

This is a telephone conversation between a child and the boss of one of the parents...

An employer, concerned with his best worker not showing up for work, decides to give him a call. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle: "Me."

[inter]

I've heard that before

[Invader_gir]

yeah, i have too quite a few times but i think its cute ^_^

[slugger7a]

ive got one

there were three cowboys at a chinese place the first one walks up and says i want a coke the chinese guy says "me chinese me play joke me go pp in your coke" he drinks it he dies. the second guy comes up and says he wants a coke the chinese guy says "me chinese me play joke me go pp in your coke"
he drinks it and runs to the bathroom. 3rd guy walks in and says i want a coke and the chinese guy says "me chinese me play joke me go pp in your coke" and the cowboy says me cowboy me shoot fast me shoot bullet up you @$$



Here's another one there are these two guys skating on the ice before a avalanch game then a vichous dog comes out from no where and attacks one of the guys the other one takes his stick and puts it in the dogs collar and kills it so a reporter comes up and says brave avalanch fan saves friend from vicous dog he says he don't like hockey he just wanted to try skating then he says he likes football so she writes brave bronco fan saves friend from vicous dog and he says i dont like the broncos who do you like says the reporter the raiders so the reporter writes down ******* from okland kills
family pet.



Each man gives a story
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

[Laguna Loire]

Here's one...Pretty retarded, obviously.

Once, there was someone who ate lots and lots of lard. At least a tub a day. He became obese. Then, one morning, he fell down the stairs. The fat man's dog filmed the event, and it became the greatest video ever and the man made millions...The end....Or is it??? *X-Files music*

Haha, I love the X-Files...:P

[slugger7a]

Here's another one; a teacher starts class, then one boy walks in tardy, the teacher says; 'where have you been', the boys says 'ontop of blue berry hill', then another boy walks in he's tardy she says 'where have you been?', 'ontop of blue berry hill', then a girl walks in late and the teacher says; 'let me guess where you've been. ontop off blue berry hill..' she says no silly i'm blue berry hill.

i thought it was sort of funny what do you think?

[cHilli]

I edited that so it makes sense..

nice1 tho, me laughed

[slugger7a]

thanks chilli