Comedy! ( part 2 )

[-b|ind-]

Your momma's so fat she plays pool with the planets.

Your momma's so small she can hang glide on a Dorito.

Your momma's so fat she eats donuts like tic tacs.

Your momma's so stupid you said it was chilli outside and she went and got a bowl and spoon.

Your mother is so old that her social security number is 1.

Your momma's so fat, her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Your momma is so stupid that she got thrown out of the M&M Factory for throwing out Ws.

Your momma is so stupid that is takes her 3 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Your mamma's so fat that when she stood on a scale it said " Only one person at a time please."

Your momma is so dumb, she thought menopause was a button on the VCR.

Your mamma is so poor that she has to steal from Goodwill.

Your momma's so stupid she failed a urine test!

Your mother is so old, when god said "let there be light" she hit the switch.

Your momma's house is so small she put the key in the door, and broke a window!

Your mamma's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter!

Your momma is so poor she eats out of the soup kitchens dumpster.

Your mamma's so stank that she used Secret and it told on her.


?: What do you do when you see your T.V. floating at night?

answer: FREEZE NIGGA!

?: Whats the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

answer: The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.

[cHilli]

Ya well, your momma's so fat she's.....so........well.........am......over-weight...YEAH!

[Unrealdimensions]

thats a good one, but y would you think insults are funny, is that what makes up america today or what?

[Asheron]

yo mamma is so fat she went to sea world to get babtized (hope i spelled it right) and twistedmeatal there all funny as hell enjoy comedy well should think of some towl head jokes

[Unrealdimensions]

your mamas so fat she uses the interstate as a slip in slide

[Unrealdimensions]

YOUR MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT STABBED ON A GUNFIGHT!!!! YOU ARE SO UGLY, WHEN YOU WERE BORN YOUR MOM THREW YOU OUT THE WINDOW,AND THEY GAVE HER A TICKET FOR LITERING!!!!!

[-b|ind-]

@ twistedmetal its "in a gun fight" not "on a gunfight" ;)

[Unrealdimensions]

same thing

[Asheron]

yo momma is so fat the last time she saw 90210 it was on the scale

[Grim Reaper]

YO MOMMAS SO FAT SHE CLIMBED OVER A GLASS WALL JUST TO SEE WHAT WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE.

[Grim Reaper]

WHY IS RICHARD SIMMONS SO WIERD??

[Grim Reaper]

CUZ HE STAYS UP ALL NIGHT SNORTIN SLIMFAST!

[Grim Reaper]

A man moved into a very large mansion. This man loved giving things names. So he called his friend and asked, "Dude, what should I name my house." His friend replied, "Turn on the tv, and the first word you here will be the name of your house." So the man did. The first word he heard was hairy-butt. So the house was called hairy-butt. A few weeks later the man bought a dog, and didn't know what to call it. So he called his friend, and they had the same conversation all over again. So the man turned on his tv, and the first word he heard was hole. So he named his dog hole. The next day he couldn't find his dog. So he called the pound, and said, "I searched all over my hairy-butt, but I couldn't find my hole!

[Grim Reaper]

Three guys, a scotsman, an englishman, and an irishman are in prison. They find a magic lamp and rub it. A genie appears and grants them a wish each. The Scotsman wishes to be at home with his girlfriend. The englishman wishes to be at home with his mother. Once they are away, the irishman says: "I wonder what I should wish for, I wish my friends were here to help me make my choice"...

[Grim Reaper]

It was the end of the school year and the students were giving their teacher gifts. The teacher knew the profession od the kids' parents so she would guess what they got her. The florists daughter gave her a box, she put it over her head and shook it. "Are they flowers?" asked the teacher, the student replied, "how did you know?" Then the candyshop son came with a box, she pur it over her head and said "Is it candy?" The student said "how'd you know!!" Then the liquor store owner's son, Johnny, came and the teacher saw the box leaking. She put her tounge on it and sucked the juice and said "Is it wine?" Johnny shook his head.Then she licked it again, "Vodka?" Johnny replied "Nuh-uhn! It's a puppy!!!"

[Grim Reaper]

One day a plane was going down and there was 6 people on the plane but only 5 parachutes. There was the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, an old man, a little kid, a pilot, and a co-pilot. The pilot and co-pilot said we have children so we have to jump. The smartest man in the world said I have knowledge to give so I have to jump. The richest man in the world said well I have have money to spend so I have to jump. So then there was the old man and little boy. The old man said I have lived a full life and you haven't so you take the last parachute. Then the little boy said no we can both jump. So the old man said how is that? The little boy said well the smartest man in the world took my backpack.

[Asheron]

daylej u busted my ass for double postin

[Grim Reaper]

whaaaaAAAAT?

[Grim Reaper]

There was a lady going to her boyfriends house. There were these 3 ants that saw her and crawled up her dress. Hours later they met each other and started talking about what had happen to them. The first ant said"man! I had the wost time I had to climb these 2 large mountains!" The second ant said"thats nothing, I had to crawl through a dry, flat area with nothing to eat." The third ant said" that was nothing I had to crawl through a jungle and I fell into this hole and a bald man came in and started spitting on me!"

[Grim Reaper]

So I have lots of jokes. Whoop-dee-doo.Oh yea. Ok here's one. A man walks into a bar and see as jar full of 5,000 dollors. on the jar it says: ASK THE BARTENDER HOW TO WIN: So he goes up to the bartender and asks " Hey, How do i win this money." The bartender says " ok all you have to do is this, Knock out that 300 pound bouncer over there, I have a bull in the back that has a tooth ach, i need you to pull it out, and I want you to @$#%& the 90 year old @$#%& upstairs." So the Guy goes up to the bouncer and says " hey your shoes untied" when the bouncer looked down he Knocked him out with a single punch. Next he went on back, but he didnt come out. After about 30 minutes the bartender got worried and started to go back there when The man walks out all cut up and bloody. "What the hell happend to you!?" yelled out the bartender. Then the man looked at him and said. "ok now where is that 90 year old @$#%& that needs her tooth pulled HAHAHAHA oh thats a good one

[Grim Reaper]

i dont feel like telling any more jokes

[CenturionZ_1]

Yo mamma's so fat she got stuck in a black hole.
Yo mamma's so stupid she spent $2 for a $1 bill.

[Asheron]

put all your jokes into one post so u dont double post or spam i did that once and daylej jumped all over me

[Grim Reaper]

damn. those jokes were too long anyway.

[Unrealdimensions]

no cusing plz

[-b|ind-]

seriously, it seems that he was talking to himself the whole time posting so much, and the weirdest thing was that he answerd his own joke.

[Unrealdimensions]

lol thats funny...lol

[Grim Reaper]

i was bored, and in a way, spamming to get an avatar faster.

[-b|ind-]

I am sure you were buddy;)

[Unrealdimensions]

yeah i believe you::wink:: ::wink::

[Grim Reaper]

actually i wasnt smapping because i didnt know what spam was until a few days ago. i just had alot of really long jokes.

[-b|ind-]

well so you know later on in life, you can put it all in one post =)

[Unrealdimensions]

hasent sombody already said that like 2 or 3 time b4

[Grim Reaper]

im starting to feel stupid here who said what?

[Unrealdimensions]

read up farther on the post and follow along

[Grim Reaper]

ya lost me...

[Unrealdimensions]

never mind

[Grim Reaper]

spam doesnt matter anymore. i did it about 300 posts ago. (i have 319)

[Unrealdimensions]

really it says 376 now

[Grim Reaper]

that was yesterday.

[Unrealdimensions]

well then dont post so many times in one day....lol

[Grim Reaper]

im involved in maybe 30 threads. i have to be on at midnight to talk to you guys.

[Unrealdimensions]

i was involved in probly 50 threads but i unsiscribed to alot

[Grim Reaper]

i just counted. i have 28 threads in the discussion forum.

[F0rgiven_S0ul]

i want to get up to 150 faster. this process is takin way too slow. and plus, i'm leavin for a week. so i won't be here...for a week.:headbang:

[Grim Reaper]

i might be at 500 by then...

[Soba]

WHERE THE HECK DO U GET THESE JOKES!!!!
u can't possibly make them all up yourself...or can ya.....::shrugs::

[Grim Reaper]

i had an aim bot, and somone made a jokes module, and it was just copy and paste.

heres one thats not copy and paste

An engineer dies and goes to check in at the pearly gates of heaven. St. peter tells him that he is in the wrong place. so he goes to hell. After a while he gets used to it and starts fixing the place up. Soon, they have running water, climate control, etc, until hell is better than heaven.
God sees this, and calls satan and says that he wants his engineer back. satan says no. god says that he will sue him in a court of law for his engineer. the devil quickly replies, "and just where the hell are you gonna get a lawyer?"

[F0rgiven_S0ul]

lol, good one

[Soba]

i don't get it!!! part of it i do.....at the end....i certainly don't. can u explain it...2 the point that even i can understand?

[F0rgiven_S0ul]

Satan is implying that all lawyers go to Hell. considering that God can't get one cause all of them are in Hell, get it now?

[Grim Reaper]

yeah

more jokes...

[F0rgiven_S0ul]

yeah....more jokes...

[Soba]

Originally posted by Chaos_recon
Satan is implying that all lawyers go to Hell. considering that God can't get one cause all of them are in Hell, get it now?

oooooooooooooooo.....now i get it.
n_n;
^_^;
g....i'm slow...

[F0rgiven_S0ul]

ok, it's all good

22 POSTS LEFT!!!!!!!!

[Grim Reaper]

till you get an avatar?

[Tyger]

a guy has to go to the bathroom he passes a rest stop and a sign says out of toilet paper he drives on the next stop says out of toilet paper to but he really has to go so he does......on a sign behind him it says wip your butt with two fingers stick it through that hole and real preson will like them so he does ......a guy on the other side of the wall smashes his fingers with two bricks......
the guy pulls his fingers back and put them in his mouth..............
a real man licked them ha ha ha

[Man of Steel]

man, you guys are funny:lol:

[The Dark Man]

Is That Your Face Or Did Your Neck Take A ****?
I don't think you should worry about your looks. You've suffered enough already.
Why don't you start neglecting your appearance? Then maybe it'll go away.
It's a sin to waste food. So please stop eating.
You look old enough to be your own father/mother.
You've got an ugly nose. But it is better looking than the rest of your face.
Even your best friend cheats you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.
Some people talk in their sleep. you talk while other people sleep.
People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
God gave you a nose to breathe through so you can keep your mouth shut
Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence
We've upped our standards, now up yours
If faggs could fly, this would be an airport
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your girlfriend thinks I am
I Fart To Make You Smell Better
The statistic on sanity are that one out of every four people are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
I feel sorry for you because you are so ugly but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.
All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.
Everyone enjoys looking at you. It gives everyone pleasure to see someone uglier than themselves.
You grow on people....so does cancer.

[The Dark Man]

If **** was music, you'd be an orchestra.
He is so short that when it rains, he is always the last to know.
You really are as pretty as a picture. I know I'd love to hang you.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
There are only two things I dislike about her - her faces.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
She's the first in her family born without tail.
You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified.
If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder - it would be an apocalypse
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
Ordinarily people live and learn, but you, you just live.
You are not as bad as people say - you are much, much worse.
I know you always have your ear to the ground. How's life in the gutter?
Talk is cheap. but that's OK - so are you.
You are living proof that crap can sprout legs and walk.
Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
He's better at *** than anyone. Now all he needs is a partner.
You're the best at all you do- and all you do is make people hate you.
If truth is stranger than fiction, then you must be truth!
If *** were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
I'll bet he opens the post with that nose!
I don't want you to turn the other cheek - it's just as ugly.
Is that your nose, or are you eating a banana?
The next time you shave, could you stand an inch or two c***** to the razor please?
Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday.
How can you love nature, when it did that to you?If **** was music, you'd be an orchestra.
He is so short that when it rains, he is always the last to know.
You really are as pretty as a picture. I know I'd love to hang you.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
There are only two things I dislike about her - her faces.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
She's the first in her family born without tail.
You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified.
If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder - it would be an apocalypse
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
Ordinarily people live and learn, but you, you just live.
You are not as bad as people say - you are much, much worse.
I know you always have your ear to the ground. How's life in the gutter?
Talk is cheap. but that's OK - so are you.
You are living proof that crap can sprout legs and walk.
Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
He's better at *** than anyone. Now all he needs is a partner.
You're the best at all you do- and all you do is make people hate you.
If truth is stranger than fiction, then you must be truth!
If *** were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
I'll bet he opens the post with that nose!
I don't want you to turn the other cheek - it's just as ugly.
Is that your nose, or are you eating a banana?
The next time you shave, could you stand an inch or two c***** to the razor please?
Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday.
How can you love nature, when it did that to you?

[The Dark Man]

If **** was music, you'd be an orchestra.
He is so short that when it rains, he is always the last to know.
You really are as pretty as a picture. I know I'd love to hang you.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
There are only two things I dislike about her - her faces.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
She's the first in her family born without tail.
You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified.
If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder - it would be an apocalypse
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
Ordinarily people live and learn, but you, you just live.
You are not as bad as people say - you are much, much worse.
I know you always have your ear to the ground. How's life in the gutter?
Talk is cheap. but that's OK - so are you.
You are living proof that crap can sprout legs and walk.
Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
He's better at *** than anyone. Now all he needs is a partner.
You're the best at all you do- and all you do is make people hate you.
If truth is stranger than fiction, then you must be truth!
If *** were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
I'll bet he opens the post with that nose!
I don't want you to turn the other cheek - it's just as ugly.
Is that your nose, or are you eating a banana?
The next time you shave, could you stand an inch or two c***** to the razor please?
Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday.
How can you love nature, when it did that to you?


I be back to give more....... can't type any longer.
sorry if i repeated some

[Gimpy]

thats called tripples posting Mucnhie im gonna have to beat u up when u get home from University

[Stryker82]

Yea, Muchie, next tiem edit ur first post to add in the info from wha tur gonan say in ur 2nd an 3rd etc...

[The Dark Man]

um..... ok
And wheels, you souldn't be talking about beating me up.... after your sugery you won't be able to much of any thing. Anyway here more funny insults


don't you need a licence to be that ugly?
Every girl has the right to be ugly, but I'm afraid you've abused the privilege.
See, that's what's meant by dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
I feel very sorry for you because you are so ugly, but I feel ever sorrier for myself because I have , to look at you.
If I were as ugly as he is, I wouldn't say hello to people, I'd say boo!
I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay admission!
People clap when they see you .... but they clap their hands over their eyes.
Whooey! When he fell out of the ugly tree, boy did he hit every branch on the way down.
You have a face only a mother could love - and even she hates it!
In fact, he has the perfect weapon against muggers - his face!
You're so ugly when you went to the haunted house they offered you a job.
You're so ugly, you almost look like your mother did, before the operation.
Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. Your body is damned ugly, too.
That can't be your face. Did your neck throw up?
You know, your mother is really good in bed - but I guess you found that out for yourself already.
That's a low blow - and talking of low blows, how's your mother?
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
I worship the ground that awaits your corpse.
You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but the hate that I feel for you is the real thing.
You remind me of the ocean - you make me sick.
I'd like to give you a going-away present.....First, you do your part.
Don't thank me for insulting you - it was a pleasure.
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
I know you couldn't live without me, so I'll pay for the funeral.
Well, I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much cheese.
I don't want to make a fool out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
I thought of you today. I was at the zoo.
Someone said that you were not fit to **** pigs the other day. I stuck up for you, though. I told them you were.
I will defend, to your death, the right to my opinion.
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
I would ask you how old you are, but I reckon you can't count that high.
I would have like to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid..
I'm blonde. What's your excuse?
I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
She has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.
Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but it looks like this guy just gargled.
Some folks are so dumb, they have to be watered twice a week.
What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
Whom am I calling 'stupid'? Good question. I don't know. What is your name?
Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
Your verbosity is exceeded only by your total stupidity.
You are not obnoxious like so many other people - you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
Grasp your ears firmly and pull; you might just be able to remove your head from you ass.
I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

[[N]eto]

How do you keep a blonde entertained?

Follow the arrows please:

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;)

Prince