Memphis
05-01-2003, 08:39 PM
A woman is pregnant wit triplets. While she is pregnant, she gets shot 3 times in the stomach. Luckily the babies do not get killed...
10 Yrs later, the woman is watchin tv, an she hears a scream from in the toilet, so she runs in an sez...
" Wot? Wots rong? The son replies " I was jus avin a piss, an a bullet came out!", the woman replied " Oh yes, i was shot before u wer born, nuttin 2 worry bout"
A week later, shes watchin tv again, an her otha son screams, she runs in an asks wot happend, an he sed the same thing, he also pissed out a bullet
A week later, shes watchin tv, an she hears an even louder scream, so she runs 2 the toilet an sez..
" Wots wrong, did u piss out a bullet 2?"
The son replies....
" No i was avin a wank an i killed the cat"
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While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over the speed limit) I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?" I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop said "What's.....a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?" I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide." The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..." The ticket - - $ 145.00 The look on his face - - PRICELESS
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A farmer is driving around the farm, checking the fences.
After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got
a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the
bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in
the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and
throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off.
About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you
said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
"The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
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A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won
$5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat,
"He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far
in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said,
"Are we over the border yet?"
enjoy
peace out
10 Yrs later, the woman is watchin tv, an she hears a scream from in the toilet, so she runs in an sez...
" Wot? Wots rong? The son replies " I was jus avin a piss, an a bullet came out!", the woman replied " Oh yes, i was shot before u wer born, nuttin 2 worry bout"
A week later, shes watchin tv again, an her otha son screams, she runs in an asks wot happend, an he sed the same thing, he also pissed out a bullet
A week later, shes watchin tv, an she hears an even louder scream, so she runs 2 the toilet an sez..
" Wots wrong, did u piss out a bullet 2?"
The son replies....
" No i was avin a wank an i killed the cat"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over the speed limit) I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?" I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop said "What's.....a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?" I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide." The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..." The ticket - - $ 145.00 The look on his face - - PRICELESS
------------------------------------------------------
A farmer is driving around the farm, checking the fences.
After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got
a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the
bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in
the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and
throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off.
About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you
said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
"The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
-----------------------------------------------------
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won
$5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat,
"He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far
in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said,
"Are we over the border yet?"
enjoy
peace out