| Trophy | How to unlock
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| Auto Dealer (Bronze) | Kill 50 enemies with the sub-machinegun. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?"
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| Beat the Snot out of Wellesley with My Bare Hands (Bronze) | Defeat Wally Wellesley in the final boss battle. "Like I said..."
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| Bedlam Basher (Bronze) | Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."
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| Blind Luck (Bronze) | Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there."
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| Boom (Bronze) | Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?"
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| Better Than One (Silver) | Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!"
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| Deja-Vu (Bronze) | Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."
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| Death Hazard (Bronze) | Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"
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| Dances With Guns (Bronze) | Complete both nightclub encounters without any of the dance-bots being destroyed. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"
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| Deja-Vu (All Over Again) (Bronze) | Defeat Sting Sniperscope yet AGAIN on Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!"
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| Disco is Dead (Bronze) | Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"
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| Draw (Bronze) | Kill 50 enemies with the Dual-Wield Six-Shooters. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."
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| Eat FIST! (Bronze) | Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife."
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| Fire Hazard (Bronze) | Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. "Extinguishers. They're not just for fires anymore."
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| Feeling Punchy (Silver) | Defeat five enemies in a row using melee combat. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying."
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| Headache (Bronze) | Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest."
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| Hands-On Approach (Bronze) | Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!"
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| Head Cheese (Bronze) | Kill all enemies in the butcher shop with head shots. "Nice shooting! But it's not like you're PAYING for that ammo. Feel free to use more."
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| Housing Crisis (Bronze) | Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"
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| It's HAZARD TIME! (Bronze) | Start your first game. "Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. --Sincerely, Matt Hazard"
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| No Pain, No Gain (Bronze) | Kill an enemy with an explosive that also damages you. "That's gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. Well...maybe not quite as much."
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| Maxx Karnage (Bronze) | Collect 20 Hazard pickups. "Maxx Karnage...sounds like a cool action hero name."
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| Hazard Avoider (Bronze) | Complete the game on the Minor Hazard difficulty setting. "Sure you won...my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'"
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| Head of the Class (Silver) | Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late."
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| Just a Flesh Wound (Silver) | Complete a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level...and you're not one of them."
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| Hazard Master (Gold) | Complete the game on the Maximum Hazard difficulty setting. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
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| King of Hazard Land! (Bronze) | Earn all Trophies in the game. "You. Are. The. MAN! (Unless you are a lady. In which case, I apologize.)"
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| Meat Your Maker (Bronze) | Destroy all of the meat in the Level 2 meat locker. "Have a beef with the owner? Steaking your claim? Beating your...hey, I can go on all day."
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| Meet Quentin. (Bronze) | Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"
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| Migraine (Bronze) | Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!"
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| Multiplayer Master! (Bronze) | "What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the trophy back NOW..."
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| Stung (Bronze) | Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."
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| Shield Master (Bronze) | Collect 20 Master Shield pickups. "It's not like I was afraid of dying...I just wanted the trophy!"
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| Observe the Grenade (Bronze) | Kill 3 Tester employees with a single shot from the grenade launcher. "Test the grenades: check!"
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| Peekaboo...I Shot You! (Bronze) | Kill 50 enemies with the Sniper Rifle. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon."
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| Plink (Bronze) | Kill 50 enemies with the Hazard pistol. "Frag you."
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| Pull! (Bronze) | Kill 50 enemies with the shotgun. "That was a blast!"
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| Pseudo-Hazard (Silver) | Complete the game on the Major Hazard difficulty setting. "Well...at least you didn't have it set to 'Easy...'"
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| Pure Energy (Bronze) | Kill 50 enemies with the Energy Pistol. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"
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| Russian to the Finish (Bronze) | Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."
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| Russian Attack (Bronze) | Kill 50 enemies with the AK-47. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun."
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| Second Amendment (Bronze) | Kill at least one enemy with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..."
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| Say "No" to Pots (Bronze) | Shoot 30 potted plants. "Look at 'em. Just sittin' there, bein' all green and stuff. They were askin' for it!"
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| Straight-A Student (Bronze) | Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..."
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| Take 5. (Bronze) | Pause the game for the first time. "Hey...come back here and play!"
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| Well, I Heard Them Scream (Bronze) | Kill 50 enemies with the Plasma Rifle. "Plasma Rifles--they're not just for Space Marines anymore."
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| Talk! (Bronze) | "What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the trophy."
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| Tramm Ride (Bronze) | Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tenticles."
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| Uncovered (Bronze) | Destroy 20 destructible cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!"
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| Where Credit is Due (Silver) | Watch the credits from beginning to end. "Hey...aren't they the guys who made Dead Head Fred?"
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| Your Turn (Bronze) | Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."
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