| Achievement | How to unlock
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| ...Where Credit is Due ( 60 points ) | Watch the credits from beginning to end.
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| Auto Dealer ( 10 points ) | Kill 50 enemies with the sub-machinegun.
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| Better than One ( 25 points ) | Score two headshots with one bullet.
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| Blind Luck ( 15 points ) | Kill 25 enemies using blind fire.
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| Boom. ( 20 points ) | Blow up 50 explosive objects.
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| Eat FIST! ( 25 points ) | Perform 10 single-hit melee kills.
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| Feeling Punchy ( 30 points ) | Defeat five enemies in a row using melee combat.
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| Fire Hazard ( 20 points ) | Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers.
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| Hands-On Approach ( 10 points ) | Defeat an enemy using melee combat.
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| Hazard Avoider ( 10 points ) | Complete the game on the Minor Hazard difficulty setting.
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| Hazard Master ( 40 points ) | Complete the game on the Maximum Hazard difficulty setting.
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| Head of the Class ( 30 points ) | Score 100 headshots.
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| Headache ( 10 points ) | Score 20 headshots.
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| It's HAZARD TIME! ( 15 points ) | Start your first game.
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| Just a Flesh Wound ( 40 points ) | Complete a level without dying.
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| Maxx Karnage ( 20 points ) | Collect 20 Hazard pickups.
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| Migraine ( 20 points ) | Score 50 headshots.
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| No Pain, No Gain ( 10 points ) | Kill an enemy with an explosive that also damages you.
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| Peekaboo...I Shot You! ( 10 points ) | Kill 50 enemies with the sniper rifle.
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| Plink ( 10 points ) | Kill 50 enemies with the Hazard pistol.
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| Pseudo-Hazard ( 20 points ) | Complete the game on the Major Hazard difficulty setting.
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| Pull! ( 10 points ) | Kill 50 enemies with the shotgun.
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| Russian Attack ( 10 points ) | Kill 50 enemies with the AK-47.
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| Say "No" to Pots ( 5 points ) | Shoot 30 potted plants.
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| Second Amendment ( 10 points ) | Kill at least one enemy with every available gun.
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| Shield Master ( 20 points ) | Collect 20 Master Shield pickups.
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| Straight-A Student ( 10 points ) | Complete all of the in-game tutorials.
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| Take 5. ( 5 points ) | Pause the game for the first time.
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| Uncovered ( 20 points ) | Destroy 20 destructible cover objects.
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| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Beat the Snot out of Wellesley ( 50 points ) | Defeat Wally Wellesley. "Like I said..."
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| Bedlam Basher ( 5 points ) | Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."
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| Dances with Guns ( 10 points ) | Don't let any dance bots die in Level 2. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"
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| Death Hazard ( 20 points ) | Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"
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| Deja-Vu ( All Over Again) ( 30 points ) | Defeat Sting Sniperscore yet AGAIN in Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!!"
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| Deja-Vu ( 20 points ) | Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."
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| Disco is Dead ( 20 points ) | Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"
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| Draw ( 10 points ) | Get 50 Dual-Wield Six-Shooter kills. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."
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| Head Cheese ( 10 points ) | Kill all butcher shop enemies with headshots. "You're not PAYING for ammo. Feel free to use more."
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| Housing Crisis ( 10 points ) | Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"
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| Your Turn ( 20 points ) | Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."
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| Meat Your Maker ( 10 points ) | Blast all hanging beef. "Udder destruction? Steaking a claim? Beating your...I can go on all day."
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| Meet Quentin. ( 100 points ) | Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"
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| Multiplayer Master! ( 30 points ) | "What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the achievement back NOW...."
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| Observe the Grenade ( 15 points ) | Kill three Testers with one grenade launcher shot. "Test the grenades: check!"
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| Pure Energy ( 10 points ) | Get 50 Energy Pistol kills. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"
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| Russian to the Finish ( 20 points ) | Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."
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| Stung ( 10 points ) | Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."
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| Talk! ( 10 points ) | "What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the achievement."
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| Tramm Ride ( 40 points ) | Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles."
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| Well, I Heard them Scream ( 10 points ) | Get 50 Plasma Rifle kills. "Plasma rifles. They're not just for Space Marines anymore."
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